Premarital therapy for couples who want to deepen their connection, navigate the hard conversations, and build a strong foundation for what comes next.
Start your marriage on solid ground.
VIRTUAL COUPLES THERAPY IN SAN FRANCISCO AND ACROSS CA
You’re stuck in a cycle, not a bad relationship.
Have you ever noticed that the qualities that first attracted you to your partner when you were dating are now the very things that drive you crazy? Their easygoing nature feels like inaction. Their ambition feels like work always comes first. Their practicality now feels like emotional disconnection. Their attentiveness now feels like they’re monitoring everything you do.
The very qualities you once appreciated in your partner, leave you feeling more like adversaries than teammates.
And then comes the very human thought: If you would just change, we’d be good. If you could just listen without getting defensive. If you could just stop nagging. If you could just put the dishes away. If you could just initiate sex.
Basically, if you could just become the person I need you to be, everything would be great.
The reality is that two people who depend on each other will inevitably have different ways of coping when they feel hurt, rejected, criticized, or misunderstood. What starts as one person trying to protect themselves can quickly trigger the other, creating a cycle that leaves both of you feeling unseen, blamed, or alone. Life is hard enough with work, parenting, finances, and everything else. Wouldn’t it be nice if your relationship could be the place where you feel supported and at ease?
X You want to stop
Having the same fight over and over without getting anywhere
Feeling criticized, dismissed, blamed, or misunderstood
Getting so upset that you say things you regret or stop hearing each other
Walking on eggshells or avoiding hard conversations to keep the peace
Feeling more like roommates or co-parents than romantic partners
Feeling rejected, pressured, or disconnected when it comes to sex and affection
✓ And you want to start
Having conversations that actually lead to change and connection
Feeling heard without having to fight to be understood
Staying grounded enough to hear each other, even when you’re angry or hurt
Bringing up hard things without triggering defensiveness or shutdown
Feeling like romantic partners again, not just co-parents or roommates
Rebuilding affection, intimacy, play, and desire
My approach
As a Level 2 Gottman-trained therapist with 14 years of experience, I bring practical relationship tools and an understanding of the brain and nervous system to help couples change the way they interact and take better care of their relationship.
Interrupt the cycle: I’ll step in quickly when you’re heading toward the same old dead end, helping you slow down, stay connected, and treat each other with respect.
No performing: Forget the scripted phrases and “right” way to communicate. I’ll help you connect and respond from a more genuine place of empathy.
Creative and experiential: We’ll use exercises and tools to help you experience your relationship in a new way.
Do these dynamics sound familiar?
✓ Conflict: You have the same arguments over and over without ever really resolving them.
✓ Resentment: You’re keeping score of who contributes, carries the heavier load, or gives more
✓ Emotional distance: You love each other, but you no longer feel close, understood, or connected.
✓ Intimacy: Sex and affection have become sources of tension, rejection, pressure, or disconnection.
✓ Pursue–withdraw: One of you keeps reaching for connection while the other pulls away.
✓ Life changes: A new baby, career shift, move, loss, or other major change has put pressure on your relationship.
And underneath these patterns are bigger questions:
“Does my partner even like me anymore?”
“Will our relationship last?”
“Can we feel desire for each other again?”
“We just need to communicate better” is one of the most common things I hear from couples. But communication tools only go so far when you’re already hurt, defensive, or shut down. Sometimes the problem isn’t knowing what to say. It’s what happens between you when things get hard.
Frequently Asked Questions
-
The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy developed by psychologists and researchers John and Julie Gottman. After decades of studying couples, they identified the patterns that distinguish relationships that thrive from those that struggle or end in divorce—particularly how couples handle conflict, repair after disagreements, and maintain connection and friendship.
Therapists can train in the Gottman Method to help couples build stronger, healthier relationships. I’ve been Level 2 Gottman trained for over a decade, and I bring that training together with 14 years of experience working with couples.
-
The Gottman Method provides a strong foundation for understanding relationships, but no single framework can capture the complexity of every couple. I also draw from Relational Life Therapy, Esther Perel’s work, and mindfulness to look more deeply at the patterns underneath conflict, including how attachment histories, protective strategies, and stress responses shape the way each partner relates to the other.
My approach combines the practical tools of the Gottman Method with a deeper exploration of why you get stuck in the patterns you do. The goal isn’t simply to communicate better in the moment, but to understand what keeps pulling you back into the same cycle and develop new ways of relating to each other.
-
Yes. I want to make sure you’re getting the kind of support that fits what you’re dealing with. I generally don’t work with couples who are seeking therapy specifically for infidelity or affair recovery, active substance abuse, significant untreated mental health concerns, or situations involving active abuse. I also don’t specialize in working with couples in the middle of a high-conflict separation.
If I don’t think I’m the right fit for what you’re looking for, I’ll let you know and recommend a therapist who specializes in that area.
-
Every therapist has their own approach to working with couples. For me, I work well with couples who are both willing to understand themselves more deeply, remain open to feedback, and work together toward meaningful change.
-
Yes. Online couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy for many couples. I do need both people to be in the same room and visible on camera, with a reliable internet connection, good lighting, and clear audio. That allows me to see and hear both of you clearly, notice the subtle things that happen between you, and stay engaged with the conversation in real time.
-
It really depends on what brings you to therapy and what you’re hoping to accomplish. Some couples come in for a few sessions to address a specific issue, while others benefit from several months of ongoing work. My goal is to help you make meaningful progress without staying in therapy longer than you need to.
-
In our first session, I’ll learn about your relationship history, strengths, and areas of conflict or difficulty. Afterward, I’ll send you a Gottman questionnaire to complete.
In our second session, I’ll meet with each of you individually to learn more about your personal history and experiences.
In our third session, we’ll review a personalized summary I will have written of your relationship, including strengths, areas for growth, and key themes. This becomes a roadmap for our work and helps us focus on what will support a stronger, more resilient partnership.
After that, we’ll focus on what feels most important to you, whether it’s an ongoing pattern or a specific issue you want to address. I’m direct, active, and compassionate in my approach. I won’t simply sit back and listen while you repeat the same arguments you have at home. I’ll slow things down, point out patterns as they happen, and help you understand what is happening between you in real time. Together, we’ll practice responding differently, so the work we do in therapy can begin to change what happens between you outside of therapy.
Take the First Step
Thanks for your interest in working with me. Please fill out this brief form and be in touch within 48 hours to schedule a free 30-miute phone consultation.
